Internet Pie

A long long time ago,
I can still remember how the ‘net just made me smile
And I knew if I had my way
Only the competent would stay
And maybe they’d create things worth my while.

But then Andreesen made me shiver
With every page the web delivered
Bad news on the servers
A thing too big to reverse

I can’t remember if I cried
When I saw that first 401 – Denied
But something touched me deep inside
The day the ‘net just…died.


So bye-bye to the Internet Pie
Trashed my browser and my email
Let the content just die
The advertisers have the place for their lies
Because this’ll be the day I say bye;
This’ll be the day I say bye.
Did you write a login script,
And did you believe your credit ripped
Though your provider said no?
Do you believe in flow control?
Can mushing save your mortal soul
Can you recall when your modem was real slow?

Well the net these days just loves bandwidth
‘Cause the images are what it’s with
You can’t get by with just words
Man I miss those days of nerds!

I was a lonely teenage zitted schmuck
But even online I’d get fucked
I knew I was out of luck
The day, the net just died.

I started singin’

Now for 4 years we’ve been on our own
And the useless content has just grown
But that’s not how it used to be
The first web browsers hit the scene
The web was text and really lean
With a voice, that came from you and me

But while we worked in book and gown
The admen stole our priceless crown
The web was overturned
And the geeks were surely burned
And while people posted stuff on Marx
The stuff we made was plain and stark
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day, the net just died.

We were singing

So for gopher, it’s served up with Stouffer’s
Simple searches that were made for loafers
Busy signals climbing fast!
The net’s now hit critical mass
Filled with spam sent by an ass
And we want back what we have had in the past

Now the EFF was dragged in soon
When the CDA began to bloom
We rebelled with a lack
Oh, A protest framed in black!
As the grassroots tried to take the field
The government refused to yield
Do you recall the rights repealed
The day, the net just died.

We started singing

A line from sea to shining sea
Of broken TCP/IP
With no thread left to start again….
So come on, make a quick buck, spam the world
‘Cause moolah is the Devil’s only friend

Oh, and as I watched him gut the net
My fingers stilled with deep regret
No angel born of hell
Could break that Satan’s spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrifical rite
I saw Bill Gates laughing with delight
The day the net just died

He was singing

I met a man who hypnotised
And I asked where in this he sides
But he just smiled and turned away
I went down to the telnet prompt
Where before my friends and I had stomped
But the man there said the plugins wouldn’t play

And on the net the coders screamed
Webmasters cried, and designers dreamed
But not a word was webcast
The push tech fin’ly went last
And the message that I dreaded most:
Connection closed by Foreign Host
Let me know the net was toast
The day the net just died

And they were singing

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