Tag Archives: terminologie

Defining computer terms from a “Marketing” point of view

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ALL NEW – The software is not compatible with previous versions.
ADVANCED DESIGN – Upper management doesn’t understand it.
BREAKTHROUGH – It nearly booted on the first try.
NEW – It comes in different colors from the previous version.
DESIGN SIMPLICITY – It was developed on a shoe-string budget.
EXCLUSIVE – We’re the only ones who have the documentation.
FIELD TESTED – Manufacturing doesn’t have a test system.
FOOLPROOF OPERATION – All parameters are hard coded.
FUTURISTIC – It only runs on the next-generation supercomputer.
HIGH ACCURACY – All the directories compare.
IT’S HERE AT LAST – We’ve released a 26-week project in 48 weeks.
MAINTENANCE FREE – It’s impossible to fix.
MEETS QUALITY STANDARDS – It compiles without errors.
PERFORMANCE PROVEN – It works through beta test.
REVOLUTIONARY – The disk drives go round and round.
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED – We’ll send you another copy if it fails.
STOCK ITEM – We shipped it once before, and we can do it again, probably.
UNMATCHED – It’s almost as good as the competition.
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE – Nothing ever ran this slow before.
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT – We finally got one to work.

Program Development Terminology

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1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED – We are still pissing in the wind.
2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM – We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION – We know who to blame.
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH – It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED – We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE – The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING – We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED – The only person who understood the thing quit.
9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS – It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT – Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL – Let`s spread the responsibility for the screw up.
12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING – We`ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn`t interfere with what we`ve already done.
13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION – I can`t wait to hear this bull!
14. SEE ME or LET`S DISCUSS – Come into my office, I`m lonely.
15. ALL NEW – Code not interchangeable with the previous design.
16. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT – It finally worked!
17. LOW MAINTENANCE – Impossible to fix if broken.